In this episode of the Impostor Syndrome Files, we talk about gaining control of our attention. Between our phones, our busy minds and all of the other distractions around us, it’s challenging to control our attention. But if we’re not focused on what we’re paying attention to, then we can’t be as intentional about our decisions, thoughts and behaviors. My guest this week, Derick Johnson, is an Army veteran, life coach and fitness trainer who shares his personal journey with childhood trauma and how he empowered himself to heal. We also explore simple, practical steps you can use to gain control of your attention and take your power back.
About My Guest
Derick Johnson is a US Army Veteran, Life Coach and Trainer that has helped over 500 clients and 50 companies go from just surviving to thriving through his coaching modalities and marketing efforts.
Derick was awarded Soldier of the Year for his battalion 3x, received numerous Awards for PT and took his leadership skills, certifications and life experiences to help people take control of their mind and body so they can THRIVE, not just survive.
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Connect with Derick:
Website: fitwithderick.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/fitwithderick2/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/fitwithderick2/
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Connect with Kim and The Impostor Syndrome Files:
Join the free Impostor Syndrome Challenge.
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Join the Slack channel to learn from, connect with and support other professionals.
Schedule time to speak with Kim Meninger directly about your questions/challenges.
Websites: https://kimmeninger.com
Transcript
Kim Meninger
Welcome, Derek, I'm so excited to talk to you today. And I would love to start by welcoming you and inviting you to introduce yourself.
Derick Johnson
Thank you, Kim. I appreciate you having me today. So yeah, so my name is Derick Johnson. I'm a US Army veteran. I did 10 years in the US Army, five active and five in the National Guard in the state of Florida. And growing up, my father was army he did 25 plus years. And my father, he's actually a farmer. He grew up on a farm in Mississippi. So African American and grew up on the farm then when the military and then he met my mother, who's German when he was stationed in Germany, they met in the discotheque. So years later, they had my two older sisters. And then I came, so I'm the baby of it. So in second grade, that's when we moved from Germany, to the states and we moved to Pensacola, Florida. So in the panhandle of Florida, where I like to call a floor Bama. So if people are familiar with the Blue Angel Airshow, that's the home base of the Blue Angels, Roy Jones, Jr. A lot of other stuff and a lot of athletes. But yeah, so I grew up in Pensacola. That's where I stayed from third grade throughout college. And then, in the guard, I traveled throughout the state of Florida. And then with military training, I was in different states, different countries, but most of my time period was spent throughout the state of Florida. And so I never wanted to go retire from the army, I just always wanted to use it as a stepping stone, add to the resume, work on my leadership skills. I used to have a fear of heights as a child. So I knew it that I would face that in the army helicopters and planes. So got over that. And I just knew that I had to get out of my shells. So as a child, I was very skinny, I was bullied, I had a really bad stuttering issues. So I knew that training my body, and then enhancing my own self-confidence would help me in my career in school, also in sports. So in middle school at the age of 12, that's when I got really serious about exercise. So I picked up all the fitness magazines, bodybuilding books, Arnold's book, Bruce Lee's any content that I could consume. And then by the age of 15, that's when I got certified as a personal trainer. And I started training my classmates, my teachers, my professors, and then around college. And in my time in the military, I knew that I wanted to help people in a deeper way. Because growing up my family, there's alcoholism on both sides. So saw a lot of traumatic things with that. So I always wanted to help people in a deep way to get rid of any limiting beliefs, break any old patterns, get rid of the traumas. And once I was able to do that, I less likely had clients go backwards, because everybody that has lost weight or gain muscle, and then last the progress after that. So doing this making a deeper mental impact. I less likely saw clients throughout the years go backwards, because we at least got rid of the traumas, limiting beliefs, anything else that they were facing, or patterns that they carried into every friendship, every business endeavor. So getting rid of all those things, so they could thrive, and not just feel like they're surviving. So internally, this path has just been to honestly heal my inner child who dealt with a lot of stuff. So now I empower other people to get to the next level if they feel like they're stuck. So it's just interesting how everything connects along the journey. And I feel like a lot of people that are passionate about what they do, if you learn their backstory, peel back the layers, it all makes sense why they took these paths or took these steps in life.
Kim Meninger
Absolutely. And if you're okay with that, I would love to ask you a couple of follow-up questions about your own experience. Yeah, for sure. So when you're a child, and you're being bullied, and you're feeling insecure, and you know, that's a really tough time to, to be a person that those kinds of social traumas, what have you what, what do you attribute your own sort of sense of empowerment or sense of control to when so often, it's easy to just feel like you have no, no power in those situations and maybe get swept in a totally different direction? Like how, how did you, you met, you mentioned, even thinking about the army as an opportunity to address some of your own fears? And like, I know your dad was in the army too. Was that something that he taught you? Like? How did you get to that place at such a young age to know I have the power to be different choices and do something about the things that I'm struggling with?
Derick Johnson
Great questions. So I actually got massively obsessed with comeback stories. So I would pick up every book, movie or interview online and I would just like absorb the information from pro athletes, musicians, just anybody that's near the top of their industry and I would just love learning about their story. And every single person I realized all had trauma to an extent, whether it was family-related foster home childcare, or their own trauma, like self-caused trauma. Sometimes it's not from other people, sometimes from ourselves. So learning about their past and their journey inspired me because it helped me flip my perspective. So in middle school, so at the age of 11, that's when it got really dark in my home. So 300 nights out of the year, between 9 pm to 1 am, my parents would just release physically, emotionally, mentally, and all that, and release in a way that something that they went through in the past was coming out, but it was only when they would drink. The next day, they'd be up early, they never miss work, they're at the top of their game in their professional life, they're very popular. So I never mentioned anything to anyone, because I didn't want to ruin their reputation, because people knew them in different countries, and all that, but they both grew up poor, and went through a lot of things. So violence, just very dark things. And so I became the physical, verbal, emotional punching bag. And then by the age of 12, I made a promise to myself that I was no longer going to get bullied in the household at home, and then in school. So the decision was to be to no longer be the skinny, scared, fearful, stuttering kid anymore, and to learn about how to, quote-unquote, become a man. But I knew I had to start with myself not to just fight people, because I wasn't violent at all. And unless I had a stand up to the bully, but one I learned about the body. So I transformed my body. And I was no longer the skinny kid. So I'll turn myself into an athlete. And then from there daily, I was consuming information, books, media, interviews of people that went through things worse. And it would just always be in my mind to say this is part of my comeback story. So I feel like one of my gifts, and people that have traumas are all given gifts, I believe, and one was discernment. So let's just say my parents or whoever was yelling, at midnight, and just like breaking glass and all this, I was able to pop out a myself look at myself from a higher self, and then bounce to my child, and look at my current self and say, what is the best decision you can make. And then from there, I stopped giving people starting with family, the reaction that they expected, so they expected crying, they expected yelling back, they expected storming to the room. And I would just like stare them in their eye and not break eye contact. And every single time I did that they got uncomfortable. Because it was different because I was no longer that shy, insecure boy. And then I took that same mentality into school and I started facing my bullies, or even bullies that were messing with my friends. So it was a cultivation of fitness mindset. And also knowing that this was all part of my comeback story because I was so consumed so much consumed in other people's stories. And I was like, You know what, mine could be worse. I have both parents, we have air conditioning in the state of Florida, I have food. We have a screened-in pool, I was like life is not that bad. I just got to deal with these alcoholic parents. And it is what it is. So I would always perspective hop. And I would just always tell myself that this is part of my journey, part of my comeback story. And I would just say it could be worse because I knew individuals that didn't know their parents were in and out of foster care. But most importantly, I didn't pretend that what was happening in my family was not happening. So I wasn't just trying to like overshadow it and get lost. It was more so a driving force. So another thing in regards to kids that go to trauma, I feel like in their adulthood, they give back to people what they didn't receive. So I didn't really receive the love and support quote unquote, I got the discipline, I got the structure, I got the Hey, do what you're told, whatever. I got that mentality. But on the flip side, there was no, we never really said I love you. And there was no like joyful family dinners or breakfast, we usually would just eaten five minutes not say we're just leave. And we never really talked about things that needed to be talked about. So that portion, I made sure to get my friends, my teachers, strangers in public just to support and I would just listen to them. So the older I got, it really made sense. Because in hindsight, I would think and I would say, well, some of my teachers would notice something was going on, because they could tell my energy was just different. But I never said anything, I would just say oh, you know, I'm just tired. And I just would never say what it was. And then I made sure to be that person for others. Because if you've gone through things, you can usually sense it in their body language, how they look. See. So it was a cultivation of one fitness to getting literally obsessed with comeback stories. And then number three, I made the promise to myself to no longer give people starting with family the reaction that they expect. So I would pause, breathe, and then just really think about what is going to be the best outcome for my own mental health. And sometimes it was just agreeing with people. Like I would just agree to like your dismissals like yeah, you're right. And then they don't know what to say. Like in my head. I was like, I want that one. Now they're stumped. So I would just honestly play a mental game. But it did come from a combination of all the things that I was reading and learning. And the older I got, I realized that I was doing a lot of work in terms of psychology like Shadow Work, perspective, hop and all these things that I didn't know actually existed or what they were called. I was doing that in my teenage years. And then when I started working with people, I was like, wow, this is actually really easy to connect and help empower people. And then in hindsight, I was like, Well, I've been doing this since age 11, and 12. So makes sense, I want this path. But yeah, definitely those three things, fitness, absorbing information of comeback stories. And last but not least, is to empower other people to give them that because I wasn't getting it at home. So I wanted to give everything back in a positive way, rather than repeat the process of family curses or generations.
Kim Meninger
And it's really, it's really fascinating to me that you had the presence of mind at such a young age to do that, even though you may not have realized what you were doing. Clearly, you were making a positive choice in a less than positive environment. And I think about that even today, where there are a lot of adults that don't have the self-awareness to recognize that there are other choices available to them. And I think one of the challenges that, that I see and talk about in the workplaces is the absence of what you're describing in terms of that. Pause and collecting yourself and not just reflexively reacting to the situation, because it, it becomes this spiral where we get triggered, and then we respond, and that triggers the other person, and we just keep going back and forth. Nobody's getting the best of each other in those situations. And so I'm curious how you think about helping other people who you mentioned the fitness piece, I see, you're sort of this embodiment of the mind-body connection. And I wonder like, how do we think about helping other people through this psychological process as you're helping them with their fitness goals as well?
Derick Johnson
Yeah, great question. So a big thing that we do in regards to one of our first conversations, even if it's a stranger in public, like, we just started the conversation. And then from there, I just asked him, like, what are you most passionate about? Or if you did not get paid to do this thing? What would it be? I just love asking people questions, I really make them stop and think rather than the Hey, how's your day? Oh, you know, same thing different day. Like, I never asked him what the generic questions I'll live catch people off guard, but getting them to really start talking. But more so to show them that, hey, I'm actually listening. Because at the end of the day, every human just wants to things we want to feel understood. And we want to be heard. Even children like, they throw the temper tantrum, like watch me if that he's not watching is like shut up and sit down. Like, we just want to be heard and understood. So giving that to somebody. So an example is, anytime that I see that somebody's passionate about whatever they're into, I just keep asking more questions because that actually gets me motivated. Even if I have zero interest in whatever they do, or know nothing about it. I just love the energy of people that are super passionate about what they do. Because most people, they're just like, oh, you know, and it's really draining, because they might be a positive person. But there's no Life for life or energy for life, really. So when I meet people that do have a passion for something, so let's just say that I see that maybe they're a designer, they just have a unique outfit. I asked him like, hey, what, what was your idea on this, they're like, Oh, somebody's actually asking me about what I have on or whatever they're into. And then slowly, they start to open up. But in regards to a coaching aspect is one of the first things that I do is we create a eliminate sheet. So we grab a pen and paper. And then we ask ourselves, what are things that I'm doing, that are holding myself from making progress towards my goals. And we first start with what we eat and what we drink. So we start with the basics, he or she's probably like, hey, you know what, I want to drink less sodas or sweet tea. All right, let's write that down. Hey, I want to binge-watch Netflix lists, or I want to stop scrolling so much and get sucked into the rabbit hole of jumping from app to app. Everybody has a loop and a pattern. Like we get bored, we open up tick tock Instagram email. 20 minutes later, we're like oh shoot, how did I get here? So basically, we write down all those things, what is he or she drinking, eating? What are they consuming, and then after that, they're more open. And then they really think about and say, you know, my reactions to my boss, my team, my manager, my spouse, my reactions to people in traffic, whatever their reaction is. And then at the end, we just go through those things, one by one, whatever they wrote, and we're just guiding them, so they open up more. But most importantly, they're transparent with themselves and neutral, as in they're not judgmental. They're not angry at themselves for they're just calm, because we already had a positive conversation first. And then we talk about what can we eliminate rather than starting off the conversation like hey, what do you not like about yourself, please write it down. Like, I never go with that approach. Like military that, that's how they are but that doesn't work. So open opening up showing that we're hearing we're actually listening and then have them write that out. But from there, you can usually pinpoint the one or two main things that they truly need to get rid of, or replace with something that's more positive. And then From there, they start to have clarity. So what we're truly aiming for is to have more light bulb moments. Anytime an individual has more clarity, they slowly start to get their power back where they're like, Hmm, this is why I respond this way, or that is why I crave carbs, or this is why I'm doing this at work, and really just given them those moments. And then from there, that's when we start to plan programming, particularly regarding the big thing, maybe it is trauma, maybe it is a bad relationship with food that happened from being bullied at 12. And then they look at carbs in a bad way. Like, it's always something deeper than just, I want to lose weight, I want to become a better public speaker. It usually stems from a past, traumatic or dark experience, somebody said something or did something, which is why they're not good at that thing. Or maybe they think they suck at it, whatever the case is. But that's generally what I do is I have open ended questions, get them to open up about what they're passionate about or excited about. And then from there, we go deeper into their eliminate sheets, and they write out those things. And then at that point, we can discuss their scheduled or routine. So I was approach it this way, rather than, hey, when do you wake up? What are you doing this? Hey, so Monday, let's do this Tuesday, let's do that. By 12pm, you need to have 50 grams of carbs. And it's way too overwhelming to add to the routine or schedule. So we first take some things away, what can we get rid of that's slowing you down or keeping you back, and usually is the small things, but they do those things on a daily basis, whether that's food scrolling, comparing themselves to others online. So it's usually a lot of things related to social media. There's a positive in it. But for many people, that's why they have impostor syndrome, or comparing issues or other things because they feel that they're not enough. And then they don't realize that not everyone, but most they're just playing a character online that they're showing the highlight reel, or there's using Photoshop, face tune and everything else. But that's a whole another rabbit hole.
Kim Meninger
Exactly right. And I think that there's so much value, like you said, and giving people the space to have those lightbulb moments because I think we're just on autopilot for so much of our lives because we're so busy. And we've got so many different things coming at us at all times that unless we create the space to slow down and actually think, yes, if this has been my coping mechanism my whole life, I'm not going to question it, that just becomes a habit. And it's one less thing to think about. And so if that means, you know, binge eating something that you know, you, you, it's unhealthy for you or scrolling through social media. And those moments when you have, you know, a break and you want to fill your time, it just isn't even. And then there's, it's not an intentional behavior. And I think that, that just creating the space is so important because you're not going to change if you don't know what you're doing.
Derick Johnson
Exactly, 100%. So that's a huge thing that we do is after those conversation, we actually on a deeper level, we identify their patterns. So you can always tell. So an example could be person A, they need the drill sergeant, they need somebody to be blunt, upfront direct, they're just like, I'm lazy, I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired, and they just need that abrupt, and then that's what you give them. And that's what's good for them. And as a good leader, you can see what he or she needs others, you can tell that we're gonna have to take our time with them, we're first gonna have to establish some trust, as some good questions go from there, they're still gonna make progress. And it's not about the speed. It's there's more so the trust. And then once they started to have the light bulbs go off, and I like to call it stacking wins. So if that individual wakes up at 6 am, how many wins can they have stacked by 10 am? Hey, they chose water over sweet tea. They didn't put the artificial stuff and sweetener into their coffee. They worked out, they didn't hit snooze. Most people, they hit snooze five times, and they create their own anxiety, and they're reactive all day. So they hit every green light on the way to work or to the gym, whatever the thing is, I always challenge him to be hyper-aware of those things. Because that part of the brain and the subconscious is going to look for more wins or positive things. Super interesting, you probably have heard from Tony Robbins, he speaks about a lot is the reticular activating system. It's a portion of the brain that hyper-fixates on things. So easy example most people can relate to is a car. So let's just say let's just say you're a teenager, and you play the punch buggy game, and there's a yellow Volkswagen Beetle. You see one, you're gonna start seeing beetles everywhere and be like, I never knew this many beetles or my neighborhood or my city, and the brain is like, Look to the left. Oh my god, there's another one. There's another one that you're like, What the hell's going on? That portion is the reticular activating system in the brain. And so like with a car example, same thing with media or anything that's toxic and negative, the brain fixates on those things. But we can actually train it to focus on what we do want. And we could start it by just acknowledging that, hey, you're doing well you chose this over that you did this. You're that and you slowly start to build that energy, where that person's self-confidence goes up their self-trust skyrockets. and they're just like, wow, I've actually been in a better mood. I'm not thinking about what's happening overseas is what happened in my past what my ex did. If I had a divorce, like, all my friends are married and have kids, and I don't like whatever the thought is, they're more intentional, like you said, and they're just focused on the next thing. And they're just in an empowered state where they're like, Well, I've done a lot by 11 am, or worked out, I did this and my emails, ready, good Monday presentation at work. And they're just looking for the next thing, and they're vibrating much higher. So being able to see an image in excuse me, being able to see an individual in that state is empowering, because maybe it's been years or if ever that they were in that state. And then they realized, at the end of the day, they kind of come back down, and they're like, Wow, I got so much done. I didn't have intrusive thoughts. I didn't overthink my lunch, looking at the food thinking good or bad. I was just there in flow state. And being able to show somebody how to get into that is super beneficial, because then most importantly, their friends or family, everybody in their circle, their team, coworker, staff, they can feel it as well, where people are like, wow, what is what does he or she on? Like they're, they're so in this zone. And it's amazing to see, because we can all create a ripple effect. For most, it's a negative ripple effect, but for good leaders that create that positive ripple effect. And I mean, today, we're recording this on a Monday, but especially in the army, and like companies that I work for throughout college is I would always pay attention to the Monday meetings, Monday formation Monday meetings, and I'd always look at the individuals I was like, please don't start this off negative and like you're gonna, you're gonna tear, tear away everybody's morale. And there's always somebody especially in sales like, hey, last Friday, we didn't hit our numbers. It's like, it's not am on a Monday. Why are you like, save that to the end and ask people what their goals are for the week. But it's crazy how common that is that just a lot of leaders don't think about that. Like they start with the negative in a Monday meeting, or at breakfast with their family and spouse like this week, we need to do this, like, you just ruin everybody's mood before the days even started. So really taking a step back. But it usually stems from an internal thing. Maybe that person hit snooze five times, maybe they are dehydrated, and they drink their coffee and other heart rates of maybe they're stuck in traffic. And they're just releasing that energy at work, not knowing it. They're just doing it on autopilot. But going back to what you said, helping people to become more intentional and more present. I feel like the biggest issue right now with most people is they're rarely present. They're always thinking about something else, the past their pain. What's this athlete doing? What am I going to have for lunch, it's like their mind is always somewhere else. Or they try to be present and then all the notifications on their phone just gets them off track. And they're just like, I can't even do deep work because Papa John's send me an email my friend like my picture on Instagram, and this popped up. Lululemon has some new shorts that are like, their brains just everywhere, so they don't have control of their attention. So that's another huge thing that I try to teach people is help them to gain control of their attention again, because I feel like in my opinion, that's a huge issue of why people can't make much progress because they literally can't be present one or focus on one thing more than 10 minutes. And outside of a DD or ADHD, but just in general, it's all these apps, notifications and treating everything as if it's an emergency has people's anxiety so high where they're like, Oh, I got this email, then I got that, then I got the text, and I gotta go to your sites, slow down, what is most important? Let's start with that.
Kim Meninger
Well, and I love that empowerment behind what you're saying. Because there is so much of life that feels out of our control. There are so many ways in which we feel like we're at the mercy of the people around us, whether that's our boss, or our children, or whoever's making the loudest demands on our time and our attention. But what you're talking about is that we have choices of what we choose to focus in on and that that has a cumulative effect on how we show up in our lives and in relationship to the people around us. And I think so much of it is that the default setting most of the time is negative. And so it's about making the choice to retrain your brain to look at the positive so that you start to build a new habit in place of the, the default negative one. And so I love it because I just I talked about this a lot too, in the context of competence in the workplace is we're always so quick to say I can't believe I said that in the meeting, but pick them out of the meeting. And then you say, but what went well, right? What am I just keep [Exactly.] Just keep re-introducing the positives. Eventually, your brain starts to like you said with the reticular activating system, it's like, oh, yeah, that actually works. Right? And then you get the benefit and keep doing it.
Derick Johnson
Exactly. And I like how you mentioned that because people don't realize how, how often or frequent they do that. They're like, Oh, you know, the meeting didn't go that good. Oh, I could have did better on that. Oh, I pause too long in a presentation Oh, I hit my numbers, but my personal one, it's not gonna give me. And it's the same thing a reverse, like I noticed very common nowadays is people get very uncomfortable when they receive a genuine compliment. It could be work-related. Somebody could say, Wow, you crushed it at their presentation, challenging that person to pause and say thank you without thinking that they're arrogant, just saying like you did do well, they genuinely mean this. Just say thanks. The auto-responses, oh, you know, I'm not that good. I could have did better. And you know, Mel Robbins is a much better female speaker than me. And then they go on a rant. And it's just like, they just give you a genuine compliment, like you literally crush it, like, just accept it. So that right there, it's so common for people to do that. And that's a huge thing that I challenge people to do is speak to strangers in public, and give people more genuine compliments. It could be as simple as you're at the gas station, you just say, Hey, nice color. I never seen what does that color called, like, they have a nice color car. And they're like, Oh, this is actually blah, blah, blah, you're like, Oh, cool. What made you choose that just having a normal conversation for 30 seconds, make somebody's moment make their day. Because on the reverse. We've all had a day or a moment that we were in a very low states, or we had RBF. And we're like, nobody's gonna approach me. And somebody spoke to them. And they're like, Wow, I didn't realize I needed that interaction. Maybe they're in the grocery store. And a little kid says something funny, or the grandma asked them why they got this pasta over that. And then she told you a story about her grandkids used to cook this and you get to the car, you're like, Well, I'm about to break down in a positive way. Because they had a good positive human interaction. And maybe they've had the worst day ever. But they're like, Wow, I didn't realize how much I needed this one little interaction, two minutes. So thinking of that we've all had those moments. If we can give others those more, we train that part of the brain as well for looking look more for the positive. And we're not just trying to have a ton of conversations all day long. But just given a kind gesture. You'd be surprised what happens like Hey, nice shirt, or hey, you look hydrated today, your skin's glowing, like, Oh, thanks, like, whatever it is. And you start to look for more of those things. And it elevates somebody. The last thing, one of my first sales trainers years ago in college, he always challenged me he's like, I know you're in the military. And you don't really smile much you have military bearing, but he was like when you're on the phones, my smile more. And he's like, What are you making these phone calls before you hit dial? Just smile. He's like before he hit dial smile and ozone. Okay. And then I started smiling more. And he was like, so how did this week go? numbers kept going up? And I was like, Yeah, I'm in a better mood. I'm not overthinking. He's like, Yeah, just sometimes you got to fake the smile, and it turns into something real. So nowadays, I smile way more, because I'm not in military anymore, because I used to just have that serious face. And sometimes it helps in a fitness standpoint, or athletic standpoint. But the rest of the day, I'm like, I can't be in the zone all day. Like it's not my personality, I'm just gonna be pissed off for no reason. So that was a huge thing that helped me is just literally just smile more, even if I don't want to.
Kim Meninger
That's what I feel like there's research that shows that when you smile, you actually feel better. Yeah. And so I love what you're describing to I think that that is a fantastic tip for anyone listening, that reaching out and connecting with people out in the world. Because it's so simple to do. But such a missed opportunity so often. And it's funny that we're having this conversation now. Because last weekend, I happened to be taking my car and to get it serviced. And the woman who was writing the paperwork was really serious. And I loved the color of her nail polish. And I love that color. And her whole body language changed everything between us changes. And so it's not even just for the other person, it's for you too. It's like you walk out of there from Hmm. Oh, yeah, changing energy for everybody involved, and then it becomes contagious. And if you think about, if you are ever the recipient of that kind of experience from somebody, then you're more likely to pass it along to the next person. And then we all have to change the mood. Right. So I just think that is such a great tip for connection for confidence building for just changing the way our brains focus and what we think about.
Derick Johnson
Oh, yeah. And I think it what it helps the most as well is it helps people to become more present. Because everyone's on their phone, at work. In public in the restaurant, the family is not even present. But when people just genuinely start to give compliments, it forces them to literally just make eye contact and speak and then everybody starts feeling better because we're like, wow, I've been staring at this thing all day. Like we're all doing the autopilot thing. So huge thing that I do a lot. Like we live in a building we use the elevator and every time I'm in the elevator, even if I don't feel like it I'll force myself to talk to whoever's in elevator. Even if I just gotta crack a joke. I'm like, I just I hate the cringe feeling when people are in the elevator and everybody looks at their phone knowing none of us have service like what are we doing? Or is all being awkward checking our email the emails that do open? I just hate that those moments. So I was always try to say something positive or funny or random or I'll just like jump no I got like nothing Just kidding How you doing today?But just giving people those moments and then like getting them out of their zone. So they become more present. They're like, wow, I was about to be in a terrible mood all day and I was scrolling for no reason. But making yourself present helping others become more present. And you realize that a lot of the negative self-talk that we have is because we're always thinking about something else. And we're not present. So an example could be they have a presentation or a team meeting. And they can ask themselves, what makes me feel confident, you know what, that black shirt, or that blue for that burgundy coats, whatever their attire is for work, or, Hey, let me do my hair like this, or today, I'm gonna go get a haircut, whatever that thing is what makes that individual feel confident and doing more of those things. So they can show up in a different state instead of, oh, you know what, I gotta give them Monday presentation, I'm not going to do well, if he or she wears the outfit that makes them confident. They're going to number one do much better. They're going to show up in a different zone, people are going to feel that, like, wow, something's different about them. And doesn't even matter what the outfit is. It's all about them and energy. But if you think about it, people, because of the past couple years, a lot of us work remote. So people like they're not putting on things that do make them feel confident. They're just wearing their pajama pants in the bottom. But they don't realize that, yes, it's comfortable. At first, it was cool, but they're actually being less productive. Because their brain doesn't know they're like when you put these things on you relax and watch Netflix. But now we're supposed to work and focus and our got these like, fuzzy slippers on like, whatever it is, but I always ask my clients, I'm like, our calls are like this is face to face. And I just ask them like, Hey, what are you in there? Like I'm in this in this my art, let's go change those and get in the zone. And they're like, Wow, that actually helped. So I'm like, let's just start doing that more. And what would you wear to the office? If you're not at the office? Like it'll actually help your confidence and you'll be way more present?
Kim Meninger
That is such a great point. You're absolutely right, we've had a lot of freedoms and, you know, be very relaxed. Oh, yeah. I want to add to this conversation that really connects back to what you said very early on, is that we're talking a lot about what we can do and interactions with other people. But I also think it's important to recognize and have the self-awareness not to let somebody else's negative energy, hijack your mood or experience to write because you've talked about this in the context of your parents, which is probably the hardest work that anybody can do. But so often, we are sort of subjected to the moods of our boss or the people around us at work. And we can take, we could be in a good place. And all of a sudden, that goes out the window, because the people around us are having a bad day. And I wonder if you wouldn't mind talking a little bit more to about just having the willpower to resist taking on somebody else's mood and kind of giving not giving your power away by letting them and their state control how you see yourself.
Derick Johnson
Yeah, for sure. Great question. So I have this thing I call the 10-minute rule. So the 10-Minute Rule is essentially you give yourself 10 minutes to release whatever you need to release. If it's tears, cry, if you literally just got to grab the steering wheel in the parking lot and just yell and cuss, like, let it out. If you've got to blast Metallica or some dark music and just, just do it, you got 10 minutes. If you need to just have peace and quiet and hydrate, you got to do that. So whatever that individual feels like they actually need. And it's usually it's a release, it doesn't always have to be aggression or a bunch of sadness. Maybe sometimes they're just like, they just need to laugh, or they just need to let something out. If they can release whatever the thing is, they can reset. And they tell themselves how long do I allow myself to be in the state? I know the boss was pissed off at the Monday meeting. I know I didn't personally hit the numbers, but it's the beginning of the week. How am I going to hit my numbers this week, or whatever the personal goal is. And they'd first just have to like, go outside. If they're able to always challenge people to step outside. First, go to nature. Just look at whatever's around you stretch, move the body. Breathe, really take in all of the senses use all five senses to take in what's around you look at the bird, where does it fly? What do you smell like? What do you taste in the air? Is there a chem trail? Or is it a beautiful sky? Like whatever's there, and really just take in all this stuff, and make yourself smile and laugh. And the next thing you know, you're like, Alright, let me breathe. You know what I'm really hydrated today. Let me go back and soft drink some water. Okay, my meeting starts in 10 minutes, let's go to the next thing. But if they can just have a 10-minute reset, all you're trying to do is become neutral. Again, we're not trying to get overly hype. We're not trying to put ourselves low. It's more so I think the best leaders they have the best emotional awareness and emotional control. So they're like that smooth wave. He or she might be angry. They might be in a dark place. Something might be happening in their personal life, but you'll never know because they're that smooth wave. They have control of their reactions, their emotions. So giving yourself that 10-minute window. You can do a lot. Go to the bathroom do a breathing exercise like Whatever this setting is, but you're giving yourself a timer. And what I ask people when they're in that state, whether it's aggression, sadness, or whatever, I literally am just blunt, I say, hey, I can tell there's something on your mind. How long do you want to feel like this? And at first, they're just like, five minutes, and then they start smiling. And I'm just like, no legitimate, how long do you want to feel this way? And then like, they don't know how to answer it at first, but they start smiling. I'm like, Alright, three minutes. I'll see you in a bit. And then like, I'll come back. And then. So how do you feel they're like, good. Why would you do like, I just yelled out the air for like, 10 times, like, awesome. Alright, you're ready to continue. Cool is do it. And then like, they're just smiling. And then they start to catch themselves are like, wow, I used to give up my power and allow family friend, boss, stranger, at the mall, wherever somebody in traffic, allow me to stay in the state for 10 minutes for an hour for two days, or they bring it home to work. Excuse me, they bring it home from work. And then family, friend, spouse, girlfriend, boyfriend. They're just like, I cooked you an amazing dinner, but your energy so off, can you eat outside? Like, I don't even want to be around. So that goes right back to it. What is the 10 minutes? What can you do within 10 minutes to become neutral again? And the majority of the time it’s just releasing, and also taking a deep breath outside. Lay the phone down, just go outside. What can you do to reset? Do that thing and tell yourself that nobody else has control of me. So he or she is not going to control my outcome of the rest of my day, the rest of my month, the rest of my week. And if people intentionally do this more often, they'll be surprised how quick they can take control again. So we're just being realistic to stay. So we're not saying that nobody's going to make you angry are not going to be sad, we're saying life will still happen. But whoever is going to win long term has more control of their reaction. And there's a lot you can do within 10 minutes to come back down or to come back up. Maybe the person is in a low state. But first changing the physiology stepping outside, resetting, and then continuing their day, whatever is next. But that's a huge thing that would benefit. Most, I think everyone because we've all felt it to an extent like we'll hold it. And we can feel we're about to erupt or something or we're about to break down and cry. Like we've, we've all been that person or seen that person at work when you're like, Please don't ask her a question. She's just going to break down. Just make her smile on her. I was like what? Like, how do you not noticed she's that close to popping the lid off? Like, just be aware of that. And that just goes back to being present and being aware. So for leaders for managers, if they can start to really read their staffs body language or their team's body language, they'll be able to tell so much like with the Monday meeting, if they can tell everyone is stressed on the call, or if it's in person, they can say you know what, let's start off with a two-minute funny video on YouTube. Everybody's cracking up. Oh my god, that was amazing. Hey, what are you most excited about this week? Awesome. What was your favorite thing you did over the weekend? Perfect. All right, what is your goal for this week that you want to hit? change up the whole dynamic, then at the end, you could be like, alright, so everybody suck last week, what are we going to do better this week, and they're like, Alright, we're gonna do and you get the same outcome in a much better way. Like you still talk about not hitting the numbers as a team last week, but it's just the approach, rather than I call it the old school corporate outdated leadership, where it's just like, rah rah rah rah around by the book, and everybody hates being there, the energy is off. And we're just trying to make it the opposite of that. So resetting within 10 minutes, being present with yourself, reading your own body language, and then seeing if you can read others to elevate that. Because sometimes you just need to say like, Hey, I noticed there's a lot on everybody's mind. Let's do a five-minute brain dump everybody grab a sheet of paper, write out what's bothering you the most. If you're comfortable to read it out loud, let's read it out loud. Or Everybody grab the set of matches, let's all light it on fire. Like I do that an army few times we all right, whatever's annoying us. And then we write it on a sheet of paper, grab the paper, get a lighter, and everybody's burning their sheet of paper. And then like everybody's body language within two minutes just changes. It's It's amazing. So just get creative. You know your people. That's what I always challenge people to do.
Kim Meninger
I love the power and practicality of what you're sharing because so much of what we're talking about is hard stuff, right? Especially for people who are not thinking about this who have not been doing this work for a while it might feel like I don't even know where to begin. And I don't have time for this and you've given us some really great simple steps to take as at least a starting point. I am really grateful. Where can people find you if they want to learn more about you and your work?
Derick Johnson
I appreciate it so they can find me on social media. I can just type in Derrick Johnson D-e-r-i-c-k same picture on every platform. My favorite app is Instagram that is fit with Derek to the number two and my coaching website is fitwithderek.com they'll see a combination of fitness clients and then also some that is just life coaching regarding their lives. Have journey so I've pictures and videos. And I just like showing videos of real people with real results because the internet gets a little fishy. So people look the same. But most importantly, they can feel the, the person's energy where they mentioned like, Hey, I had a divorce. I was in an excuse me, I was in a dark place worked on this worked on that overcame the trauma now I got a promotion, got a raise, have my first, first date in three years, like whatever it is, hearing that person's personal story and journey is always the most beneficial because it shows like their energy and you can replicate that. So my whole intent was social media is just to plant seeds. I'm the guy who's gonna make somebody uncomfortable when they're hitting snooze too much. And they're like, yeah, he called me on that video. I need to put these snacks down. That's as long as I'm planting a seed. If somebody likes me or doesn't, it's cool, but as long as I can get them to stop wasting their potential as my whole intent.
Kim Meninger
I love it. Eric, thank you so much.
Derick Johnson
I appreciate it, Kim. Thank you.